since this page is looking a little bare, here are a few more pictures from the recent weeks…
michael, sharon, connie, jer, and the great big GMC van.
sharon next to the memorial set up on third street and arizona in santa monica, where the farmer’s market incident took place.
mother and son in front of big thunder mountain at disneyland.
jer and me riding on the disneyland train.
so my friend brian has now joined the legions of the working youth, with his fancy new job and his fancy new place.
to celebrate, here’s a pic of him from a couple of weeks ago, when he was first introduced to the glory of the henessey’s steak sandwich.
i have just been reprimanded by aaron, of the workaholic sleeping hours, for my unusual sleeping hours.
… to jer’s mom connie. =) yay!!
okay, so one of my rather well-liked shows as i was growing up was this little thing called ‘welcome, freshmen’ on nickelodeon. anyway, around the time the show was kind of going off the air, a song by blues traveler called ‘runaround’ featured in its video one of the stars of the show as dorothy (it was a wizard of oz sort of theme in case you haven’t seen it). i never knew what that girl’s name was, and i always wondered where she went cuz i always thought she was kind of cool. but my accomplishment today (cue fanfare) is that i finally found out who she is!!
her name is arian (waring) ash. she’s actually still getting work, apparently, having done tigerland and phone booth (both with colin farrell) not too long ago.
i’m so happy i figured out what the show she was on was called. and i’m so glad i now know who the heck she is!!
hey, you take your small joys when you get them. =)
i left my ucla library mug at the bank a couple of months ago, when i went in to get a picture taken for my photocard. i had written the mug off as a lost cause, but what do i get back in the mail wednesday but my mug, with a friendly letter informing me i can always take care of my banking needs at the Westwood branch of Bank of America.
the good: i got my mug back!! yay!!
the bad: it doesn’t look like they washed the mug. >_
the prozzak cd i ordered on eBay arrived in my mailbox today. yay!! it is so bad ass. the cd cover features simon and milo in a holographic super bad-asssed mofo form. ‘www.i’llnevergetoveryou’ indeed!!
pirates of the carribean was disappointing. too little johnny depp, too much orlando bloom and keira knightley. orlando bloom is hot as legolas, but i don’t dig him in his natural brunette form. keira knightley is also hot, but i couldn’t get past the perpetual ‘fuck me’ pout she displays in every scene of the movie. plus the last scene of the movie was pretty stupid. i will add, however, that any movie that manages to cast johnny depp, geoffrey rush, and the guy from the inifiniti ads in one film gets a few extra bonus points. they weren’t bad in their roles, either.
jer and i took his mom to disneyland on thursday. really fun — stayed at the park from about 9 to midnight. the fritters in the french quarter don’t really compare to the ones you get in new orleans, although they’re not bad. the fireworks show was spectacular. pirates of the carribean (the ride) still carries as much wonder and fun as it did years ago. big thunder mountain is still loads of fun. went on the matterhorn and splash mountain for the first time ever and had a blast. and i’ve never spun so fast in the teacup ride before. =) pictures are forthcoming.
oh yeah!! and finding nemo is my new favorite movie. i thought it would be good, but i had no idea… every character was spot on interesting, the animation was lush and gorgeous, the script was funny and inspired… i was totally blown away.
(look forward to an onslaught of aspiring marine biologists at universities in about 10 or so years… hehe)
i am soooooo getting that on dvd when it comes out. hot damn!!
that is all.
there’s a lot of things i have to update here, especially from last weekend, but for now here’s a brief rundown:
michael and sharon, two of jer’s best friends from forever, came down from rocklin to visit us last weekend. they are freaking awesome, and we had a terrific time. sharon, michael, come down and see us again soon!! :D :D
there are dolphins in our beach!!
boogie boarding is harder than it looks.
more to come later. =)
to add a little to my midnight ramblings post…
i should probably clarify that i’m probably overreacting a lot, it was late at night, and i was probably on crack or something. and reading back, i guess i spent a good amount of time whining about friendster. so let me elaborate on what i was thinking…
my thoughts about friendster aren’t so much about whether people post or not or how they toot my horn or whatever, but rather… it just raised to me a lot of interesting questions when i was thinking about this stuff. back in senior year of high school, i wrote an essay for the san jose mercury news about how i felt like i was at a crossroads, starting college, and so forth. these people whom i’ve shared so much will basically pass out of my daily consciousness…
with enough time, are people forgotten?
i guess i’m just in such a questioning phase of who my real friends really are, and i feel terrible thinking that a lot of my friends from high school, whom i’ve always considered myself closest to, are just drifting away. we’re growing up, with different interests, different career plans, and different sensibilities of what each of us wants in our lives.
growing isn’t a bad thing.. it’s a necessary part of human existence. people *should* grow and think and learn from their experiences, as opposed to just ‘aging’ and getting old physically.
so… i guess my central emotion is fear. it’s the fear that i’ve taken for granted people in my life. it’s the fear that these people, having had enough of me, have finally decided to leave. it’s the fear that i’m a bad friend, have been a bad friend, and will forever be doomed to being a bad friend. and it’s also the fear that as it was, i might just have been a funny little blip on the radar for people who have been deeply impacting for me. it’s perhaps a fear of insignificance, in both my personal and career life.
so my apologies for my ranting the other night. i think i just let my demons haunt me a little too much that day. 0_o
Can’t sleep.
Wondering too much about my parents. About my friends. About my husband-to-be. I wonder if I’m right for him. I hope I’m right for him, because he’s done so much for me that I don’t even think he could possibly begin to understand. He is my rock, my safe haven, my shelter, my source of energy. He means more to me than he could ever know, because I will never figure out any way to tell him properly. And so many days, I wonder if there is something better for him…
He deserves brilliance and tenderness, sensitivity and caring. He needs someone more considerate of his needs than I end up being much of the time. He needs a strong support, because he’s too often held the load alone.
So am I this person? I have a hard time believing that I might be. I’m flaky and terrible, shallow and dull. I might have sparks or moments of being interesting, but then I fade away like the cheap firecracker you buy from the shady guy on Second Street. I am weakness and indulgence, indolence and apathy when I used to be brimming with ambition, passion, and strength.
Yet he still fell for me, even though I was at my lowest, as opposed to one who fell for me while I was at my best. I see my best as someone who is ambitious and forward, confident, inspiring, talented, creative, and motivated. I see the best version of me as being one of energy and drive, with an eagerness to fulfill her dreams. This version of me wants to live life to its fullest, climb trees and scale mountains, topple establishments and dream dreams, big and small, and maybe aspire to pursue some of them one day.
So what am I now?
When I went home for my sister’s graduation last month, at some point my father and I had a conversation about a rather poignant topic. I was talking about some high school friends and what they were up to, and so forth. And then he asked me,
“What do your friends think of you?”
I paused. I don’t really remember what I said, but I think I rambled off something to the effect of ‘they’re really happy for me that I’ve found someone who makes me really happy.’ The fact that I don’t remember exactly is probably a sign that I was bullshitting a little bit.
The truth is, I don’t know what my friends think of me. It’s been a long time since I’ve talked with any of them. Not only that, the last time they talked to me was highly dependent on the last time I got in touch with them, which for the most part was not anytime recently at all. Sadly, the correspondence that takes place between my friends and me usually stops on my side, not for any sort of intent to create animosity, but worse. It’s out of my awful habit of procrastinating. And you know, once you start procrastinating, it’s easier to forget. And pretty soon, you forget you were supposed to write so and so a letter, or give such and such a call, or return someone’s email.
This continues for some time, and eventually people give up. It’s like credit: no credit is better than bad credit, and in the friendship department, I have pretty awful credit.
And eventually, people grow up. They grow up and realize that I’m a bitch who doesn’t return phone calls or Ims or emails or even letters, and they have enough interesting/cool people in their lives that they realize they don’t have to bother with me. Or, maybe they do, but they’re certainly less excited to talk to me than at the get go. They realize I’m kinda boring, and really flaky, so they kind of.. melt away…
So my Friendster says that I’m connected to 286150 people through 93 friends. So maybe I’m well loved, right? =P some of those people don’t really know me personally. They only know me through activities they’ve done with me. So that cuts the number probably in half. And of the ones I do consider my friends, or at least considered friends in the past, only a few have left testimonials. And of those testimonials, very few are actually more than just “oh she’s so energetic and hyper!” and you know, energetic and hyper is fine, yes. But I have some weird idea that I’m a little more than that…
At any rate, testimonials don’t really mean very much. Most of it is made up, thrown together, and people don’t have time to do them anyway. I personally have yet to write testimonials for most of my friends, so I have no reason to say anything. But I wonder if in the past couple of years, I’ve revealed my inner awfulness to people, now that the polish of my UCLA social education has worn off a bit in my recent months of frustration. The closest friends of mine (mostly my high school friends, whose opinion i’ve always held in high respect) who once called me smart and kind and supported me when i was going through a lot of awful things in my life don’t really say things like that any more, as if in silent rebuke for the person I’ve become in the recent time that’s passed.
I’ve sent people the message that I want to be left to my own devices, and now they do it. But…
There is no but. It’s my own fault I lost these people. It’s not that hard to keep in touch – a Christmas card here, an email, a phone call, even an IM response. =P
I’m a terrible person. I think that’s what people think of me nowadays. And maybe they’re right.
Time for me to go to bed.
